Experiments of a Mad-Man
by Spontaneous Fiction
Summary: (Or Mad-Woman. Take your pick) A soon-to-be collection of various drabbles and one-shots as I experiment with different writing techniques and devices, as well as get used to writing characters different than my own. Will mostly be random MaBill stories, and at times Worker!Bill AU. You have been warned.
1. Chapter 1

**A/N: '**Sup dudes, Cora here. Pretty much I'm too lazy to get my butt working on my actual stories, so I've decided to do "practice stories", or pretty much random little one shots. The purpose of them is for me to try out different writing techniques and overall improve stuff. (I'm following the lead of a guide book I bought in Oregon.)

**A/N the Second:** This is totally an AU I made up just for these stories, in which Bill is human, works at the Shack, and is about the age 13 or so. (Stan has got waayyy to many brats running around at this point). This will also mainly be about my Gravity Falls OTP that has absolutely not even a snowball's chance in hell of actually becoming canon. Well, actually it has better chances at becoming canon than what Muffin Explosion might, but we all know the reason why for that. (Sorry if I offended any Muffin Explosion shippers. I tend to do that a lot.)

**Disclaimer:** Screw it, I'm too lazy. DIPPER YOU DO IT FOR ME! _*throws cue cards at Dipper*_ Oh, um okay. 'I, insert name here, do not claim ownership of Gravity Falls or its characters. They are the property and copyright of Alex Hirsh, king of show writing, and creator of all.' Well, that's a little flattering, isn't it?

Days Go By

Some days at the Shack were nice. There was a healthy flurry of activity in which none of the workers were working their butts off, or lazing about, but rather just at a nice medium of doing things. Other days were worse, in which there were barely any tourists about and they had to bum around or clean something in the old Shack. The horrible days (which didn't happen all too often) were the days in which it was non-stop action and Mr. Pines needed things fixed, or built, or cleaned, or whatever. But those days were a dime a dozen.

Bill was a frequent enthusiast of the medium-paced days. On those he was able to get lots of different activities and chores done, or hang out with his fellow workers. He and Dipper (who was a year younger than him) went on monster hunts whenever they could, uncovering breath-taking secrets from all around Gravity Falls. Occasionally they would cause mischief to some sorry sap (aka Robbie V) or trade off theories about the mystery novels they shared in common. Bill figured he was on good terms with Dipper Pines. They were after all similar in a few ways, and the one-year age gap didn't hinder them becoming friends in the slightest. It was the other twin, Mabel, that Bill had to watch out for at times.

From day one he figured she had a..."thing" for him. To be honest it wasn't really rocket science. After one week of the Pines twins arriving at their great uncle's house, Bill had found a note in his jacket with pink hearts all over it and in big curly black writing it had said "Do You Like Me?" with only three affirming choices down below it. It was burnt to a crisp the moment he got home. Mabel asked about it the next day in hopes of an answer, but Bill decided to feign clueless-ness. This act had upset her the minute he played the card, and needless to say he had immediately been labeled "biggest jerk ever" for days following. Luckily for Bill the girl's personality was like a rubber ball, and she bounced back to her happy self, even apologizing to him for the forwardness she had earlier displayed. Bill, ever the gentleman towards ladies of all ages, apologized as well for upsetting her and made up for his mistake by buying her a carrot cake special at Lazy Susan's Diner.

Throughout the following fun-charged days of summer, Bill and the "Mystery Twins" had many adventures and escapades. All three had solved the murder of Wax Stan (and faced off against cursed wax figures), held off ghosts at the condemned Dusk 2 Dawn, even foiled Gideon Gleeful time and time again. Bill had to say he'd never had such a great time in the small town, and especially with two kids like Dipper and Mabel Pines. Bill never really had "friends" as Wendy and Soos only counted as co-workers. Bill had never really fit in with Wendy's group, and while Soos tried, he wasn't exactly the brightest crayon in the knife shed. Without a doubt though could Bill call the Pines twins his best friends.

That particular day was one of very slow tourist traffic. Mr. Pines had taken the opportunity to pull Bill aside and "teach" him a little about business management. The old man was going on about communication to the customers and detailing how to make good sales on bad merchandise. Basically it was a conning lesson.

"Now you want to make sure that the costumers never know the merchandise is faulty. This is why we do constant patch-up jobs, or add things to make it seem more valuable or antique," he was saying as they entered the gift shop. Bill was bored out of his mind, only half listening to the old man as he continued on.

"Mr. Pines, not that I'm not enjoying this...fascinating demonstration or anything, but why bother showing me all this stuff," Bill put in, slouching against the nearest stable object.

"Cause life ain't fair and nobody else is capable enough to be a manager around here besides me. Now, one other thing you've got to remember is..." Stan rambled on as Bill inwardly sighed in apathy. He looked at the ceiling, which had to be infinitely more interesting than what he was currently subjected to.

_Dear God,_ he thought desperately, _I know I don't believe in you or anything, but it would be really cool of you to get me out of this, like right now. _The ceiling didn't answer- nor did any celestial beings of great power-and he frowned, thinking of other great and holy forces he could "pray" to to save him. As he was about to send a mental plea to Shibalba (whoever that was. He'd heard about it from the "Road to El Dorado" movie or something) an object came zipping out of his blind spot, nearly striking him on the side of the face. It embedded itself on the post in front of him and Bill took a few breaths to steady himself as he identified the unknown anomaly.

It was a Nyarf bullet. Keeping an eye on Stan, the teen removed it from its spot. Turning the small orange projectile in his hands, he saw words written on it in plastic.

"'Around turn'" he whispered in confusion. What? Around turn? He twisted it again when realization hit him.  
"Oh, 'turn around'. Duh," Bill did so, not sure of what he would see. There was a window behind him that showed a small view of the forest. He realized that it was open as well. Bill checked that Stan was still going on about whatever it was he was talking about, and quietly slipped over to the open window. He peeked his head out.

"PSSSSST" A not-very-quiet whisper nearly startled him out of the window and Bill looked down, only to find Mabel looking up at him. Bill smiled at her and she gave a metal-filled grin back at him.

"Need an escape?" she asked knowingly. Bill smiled wider and lifted himself out of the window and landed next to her.

"You know it," he replied. Mabel grabbed his hand and the two quietly raced away from their hiding spot, off to find something better to do than listen to old men babbling about business. Without a doubt in his mind, Bill knew that while days at the Mystery Shack were give or take, every one of them could still be enjoyable as long as you had a friend.

* * *

**A/N:** ACK, gag me with a spoon. Alright, so maybe I need to work on my endings a little. I'm way better at cliffhangers honestly, but those are for the intent of continuing something. Well, we'll see what the next one is like. More MaBill to come, I promise. Eventually maybe I'll get to the *_cough_* good stuff *_cough_*.


	2. Chapter 2

A/N: This one is short. Sorry 'bout that.

Disclaimer: I claim no ownership of Gravity Falls or its characters. Everything is owned by either Alex Hirsh or the government.

* * *

The Great Escapist

"Bill! Bill where are you?"

Bill stayed put where he was. He knew that tone in Mabel's voice. It meant she was doing another one of her "Guide to Life" things and was undoubtedly in need of a guinea pig. And as much as he liked Shooting Star, there was not a chance he was coming out of hiding just yet. The blond peered over his spot on the roof, scanning the ground for signs of Mabel or any of her friends. From what he saw, the coast was clear for now. Bill took in a deep breath of relief.

He was lying on the rooftop hangout that Wendy had made, on his back looking up at the clouds. They were white and puffy today, and moving very slowly across the clear blue Oregon sky. As he watched them glide his mind wandered and he had time to think. He thought about the summer, and how quickly it seemed to go now that he actually had friends to spend it with. Working at the Shack had even become easier since the twins arrived, and he briefly wondered how much would change once they went back home. He'd probably have more alone and quiet time, like he did now.

Bill reached into his pocket and checked the time on his little gold watch. It said 3:09 on it. He wondered how long he'd have to wait until Mabel gave up looking for him. Probably years. The girl never gave up, especially on something she'd set her mind to. Facing his doom would be more interesting than hiding around the Shack though. He was at odds with himself.

"What would Tony Stark do," he asked himself out loud. Well, Tony Stark had a fully automated metal suit. That would definitely keep Mabel away, but unfortunately he didn't have that. Bill frowned, glaring up at the clouds in indecision.

"Bill!" a panicked voiced yelled. Bill sat up and looked over the edge of his hiding spot. Dipper was below him waving his arms like a mad man trying to get his attention.

"Mabel knows where you're hiding! She's coming up to the roof," Dipper shouted at the blond. Bill took a terrified glance behind him. Sure enough, Mabel, Candy and Grenda were making their way slowly but surely towards him. Mabel caught his eye and gave a triumphant shout.

"Gotcha! Grenda hold him down," Bill's eyes widened and he looked around for an escape route. There was none. Grenda advanced on him gleefully. _Come on, come on Bill! Think, think, THINK!_ He thought desperately, edging backwards and nearly stumbling as his foot met the edge of the roof. The teen turned and in a split second found his escape route. _I could make that, right?_ He thought, judging the distance. It certainly wasn't the safest means, but desperate times called for extremely desperate measures.

"Nowhere to go Bill! Time for a Flash Makeover!" The girls cried out. Bill faced them, smiling.

"Not today ladies!" he shouted, and leapt off the roof. Lucky for him he pine tree he was aiming for was within range of his jump, and he firmly held on as it bent under his weight, slowly bringing him closer to the ground. Bill let go, free falling the last few feet and landing unscathed. He dusted off his hands and looked back up at Mabel who was staring in shock at him. Feeling cocky, he gave a low bow to her and her friends, then took off again, shouting over his shoulder, "Better luck next time Shooting Star!"


	3. Magic Tricks

**A/N:** Finally found some time to complete and upload this chapter. Had some fun writing this. OH, and in case any of you were confused by the whole Worker!Bill AU thing, this is Bill Cipher. Not MY OC. Sorry I haven't made that clear but I noticed a review that mentioned this, plus a friend or two mentioned it to me. Again, my apologies. Apparently mad experiments get confusing sometimes.

**Disclaimer:** *tosses cue cards in the air* Nope. I own nothing.

Magic Tricks

It was another clear and bright day at the Mystery Shack. It was also one of the few days that Dipper, Mabel and Bill all had a day off. They decided to spend it building an outdoor golf course, similar to their attic junk golf course in the twins' room. Currently they were testing it out by playing a game. Dipper was up, prepping to swing a hit at the little white ball. Mabel and Bill watched from a safe distance, knowing full well how inaccurate Dipper's aim could be. Dipper took a few practice swings, and then brought the club closer, finally confident in taking a shot. The club went up, and he swung down at the golf ball.

"Hey batter, batter; hey batter, batter, SWING!" The end of the club struck the golf ball, taking it in a far too diagonal shot than what Dipper originally planned. It went soaring away into the woods, too far to even go after it. Dipper spun around in anger. Behind him Bill and Mabel were in hysterics, laughing at his shot. Bill was laughing so hard he was on the ground clutching his sides.

"Oh my gosh Dipper, I'm dying over here," he wheezed, wiping the underside of his good eye. Mabel was doubled over as well, and Dipper glared at the both of them.

"You did that on purpose," he pouted, stomping over to the two as they tried to calm down. Bill sat up, still chuckling and grinning like the Cheshire cat himself.

"Now why would we do anything like that, Pines?" he asked, feigning innocence.

"Cause you're wicked," Dipper said back. Bill shrugged in admittance, although he didn't like the term "wicked". He simply preferred the word "mischievous".

"Jokes on both of you clowns though," Dipper said. He was looking through their bag of golf stuff, sifting the different objects around.

"Why's that?" Mabel asked joining him, still smiling. Her brother showed her the inside of the bag, indicating where they would normally keep their golf balls. Except now, there weren't any.

"That was our last golf ball," Dipper replied and dropped the bag back down. Bill frowned. Now that was a bit of a problem. It would put a delay in their game if they had to go off in the woods to look for the ball Dipper had rocketed into the unknown. And Stan had hidden all of the glass eyes that they previously used, even though they had promised they would pay for them. Stan still wouldn't let them have the eyeballs though, and had grumbled something about taking one too many Stan-Shots to the head. Mabel, ever the optimist however, waved a hand dismissively.

"Well, maybe if we're lucky some Gravity Falls monster will find it and bring it back for us," she said brightly. Bill snorted and fell back onto the grass to look up at the sky. What was the girl going to suggest next? That they pull one right out of thin air? Bill smiled at his own little joke. But then a thought crept in: why _couldn't_ one appear out of thin air? He had his powers. There was no reason as to why he couldn't just make one appear, right? Bill glanced at the twins, who had begun discussing the possibility of whether or not monsters existed that stole golf balls. Mabel was pushing her brother to look it up in the journal at least, but Dipper kept on insisting that nothing like that could exist. The teenager considered his own little idea. _Well, _he thought_, if anything I can just tell them I learned some magic as a kid. They'd believe some bull-horned story like that, right?_ Assuring himself of his plan, Bill picked himself up from the ground to walk towards the twins. He stepped up behind Mabel.

"Hey Mabel, what's that behind your ear?" he asked. Mabel turned in confusion, hands flying up towards her ears.

"What? Is there something on them?" she asked. Bill bent a little bit, squinting his eyes as he did so and pretending that there was some object by her ear. His hand came close to it.

"I think you've got something right," as he made to touch a spot just by her earlobe he reached out with his mind, bending his power to create a little white golf ball. It was pulled swiftly out of a spot by his yellow sweatshirt sleeve, but from another angle it would look as though it had truly come out of the girl's ear. He pulled back with a flash of satisfaction, holding the object in front of Mabel's eyes.

"…there," he finished, flashing a charming smile.

Dipper and Mabel both gasped, one with delight and the other in surprise. Mabel swiped the golf ball out of his hands still in awe.

"Wow Bill! How did you do that?" she asked.

"Magic," he replied simply. Technically he wasn't lying. What he had done was a kind of magic. He rubbed at his temples as a slight headache creeped up on him. He tried not to frown at this. _Odd, _he thought,_ why am I getting a headache? _Something as small as a golf ball should have been a hop, skip and a jump. No problem. Bill tried brushing off the feeling, but he couldn't shake off the niggling thought that something wasn't right with what he just did. Still, it was worth it as he saw Mabel smile. Dipper was as equally as impressed.

"Dude, how did you even do that? You didn't have a golf ball on you this whole time just for this did you?" he asked, giving Bill a slightly skeptical look.

"Sure, let's go with that Dip," his friend said evasively. He rubbed at his left eye as pressure settled above it. Something that small couldn't have been that hard to create, so why was his head hurting like this? Maybe it was because he was out of practice, so wasn't used to it. Yeah, that had to be it. Bill never found a lot of reasons to excessively use his powers, even though he could use them for really simple tasks. But using magic or even slightly demonic powers around a man like Stanford Pines wasn't exactly the brightest idea. Bill continued rubbing at his left eye, lost in those thoughts. Maybe it was time he got back into practicing with his powers, or at least figure out what was wrong with them.

"Hey Bill, you okay man?" Dipper broke into his train of thought.

"Hm? Oh, yeah," Bill lowered his hand from his face, putting on a smile to assure his friends. Inwardly he was still a little distracted though. But he'd have to figure out his demon power situation later, when the twins weren't around to see him or what he could really do. It wasn't exactly time to tell them that he was some part demon. He picked up one of the golf clubs and masterfully twirled it with one hand.

"Alright, who wants to bet that I can't make a Stan Shot from here?"

* * *

Bill and the twins spent the rest of the day either adding on to their golf course, or trying to make trick/impossible shots. Surprisingly Mabel was able to accomplish a lot of them. Dipper and Bill had to eventually make a tab to keep track of how much money they both owed her. The power of Mabel was truly an odd sight to behold, and that was saying something. Bill had seen a lot of powers and oddities himself.

The sun was setting behind the trees as Bill flipped over the "OPEN" sign on the shack's gift shop door so instead it read "GO AWAY" to anyone approaching. The blond tugged on his black jacket just as Mabel came in through the employee's door. She skipped up to him with her undying energy.

"Hey Bill, you wanna hang out again tomorrow? Since you have the day off and all," she asked. Any other day he would have said yes without hesitation. But he'd been thinking about what happened earlier that day with his powers. He needed to experiment, preferably without anyone around.

"Sorry Mabel, I've got...some errands and things at home," he replied with an apologetic smile. "Next time for sure though," he called over his shoulder, leaving through the open gift shop door. His yellow bicycle was parked next to the golf cart and he hopped on, cycling for home.

The ride gave him time to think, and the cool evening summer air helped clear his thoughts as well. Easy little tricks such as making a golf ball appear were supposed to be incredibly easy, and even though he made the object appear with no problem earlier that day, the headaches were bothering him. There was of course the possibility that they had no connection to his use of powers. People got headaches from a lot of things, ranging from lack of sleep to sickness. Last he checked though he wasn't getting sick. The teen felt fine. Even bicycling all the way to his house wasn't taking anything out of him. He could have gotten them from the lack of sleep though. His dreams as of late weren't exactly restful, and at times they seemed more like nightmares.

Bill's yellow bike bounced up and down as he reached the rugged lane that led to his house. The sun had lowered well below the tree line, casting mysterious shadows upon his path. But Bill wasn't worried. He had the best alarm system imaginable even though he had never wanted it in the first place. Bill dismounted from his bicycle, walking it the rest of the way down the darkening path until he reached home.

It wasn't much, considering the fact that there weren't many places a 13 year old kid could live on his own. With no parents and barely any kind of salary he couldn't exactly buy a house. So he ventured out and found his current residency: an abandoned church in the middle of the forest. When he'd first found it he had a hell of a time trying to fix it up to make it habitable. There were holes in the roof and walls, and the rafters were always in constant danger of collapsing. Bill worked a little bit of hocus pocus, and *poof* no more hard-knock life conditions. Or at least, he'd made it more comfortable on the interior. The exterior he left disguised as abandoned so that no one would venture in. Occasionally some half brained teen would wander by, hoping for some haunted old church or something but Bill's security system never failed to deter them.

As Bill strolled up to the church he cautiously looked around but there was nothing. He left the bike leading against the old stone walls of the church and entered through the nearby wooden doors. The inside was much cooler than the outside, and darker as well now that night was settling in. Shrugging off his jacket and tossing it aside Bill picket up his little matchbox and began lighting candles. He liked candles better than electric bulbs. The little dancing tongues of flame made the place seem more alive, and he had plenty of candles to assure that the place was well lit. Going around what used to be the hall of the church Bill lit his candles of every shape and size, striking one match after another. Eventually he had made the entire perimeter of the room and extinguished his last match with his forefinger and thumb. Bill barely felt the little tongue of flame as it was smothered beneath his fingers, and it let out a faint trail of gray smoke and a hiss.

With his residence now lit, Bill stood alone at the center of the altar surrounded by little points of flame. They cast wavering shadows upon his face as he simply stood there, hands in his pockets. His gaze was fixed on a clock he had put up on the back wall, and the blond watched as the little second hand ticked, and he waited. Then, just as the second struck the 12 on the top, signaling that it was 6 o'clock, a piercing yowl shattered the silence of the church. Bill barely flinched and stayed put. A small shape slipped into the room from the wooden doors, padding up the aisle confidently. The swaying light of the candles revealed the shape to be a cat. It sat down midway to the altar, glaring up at Bill with an unimpressed yellow glare. Bill mirrored the expression.

"See you didn't get stuffed today," he remarked at the feline. It yowled back, revealing its crooked teeth and swished its black striped tail. Bill was pretty sure that it had said something equally offensive back to him.

"I was hoping today would be the day you left me alone for good, but I guess not," Bill said in a flat tone. The cat said nothing, only swishing its tail again, still glaring at him. The teen sighed and muttered "Dumb cat" under his breath, stepping down from the altar to find the circular cans of cat food he'd been buying. The feline hissed as he did so, objecting to the boy's statement. It yowled again at him as if to say, "You're no genius either," and leaped onto the counter to wait for its meal. Bill pulled off the lid and dropped the can of mashed prey in front of it, leaning against the edge of the counter as the cat dug into its hardly nutritious meal.

"You know Attie, if I didn't know any better I'd say you were getting attached to me," Bill remarked. Attie's ear twitched in reply. The teen took that as a sign to continue.

"Yep. You could have strolled off of here weeks back, but you still keep comin' back around to harass me. I'm almost wondering if its because you care or because I have to feed your sorry tabby hide," Attie looked up from its can to fix another yellow eyed glare at Bill. His whiskers twitched and Bill smiled smugly.

"Must really suck to have to be dependent on someone, huh Atbash?" he said. Attie hissed at him and Bill laughed, the sound echoing through the abandoned church.

"Love ya too you crazed lunatic,"

* * *

**A/N:** I wanted to give Bill a cat. All lonely people have them. So an ending like this obviously means that I have to go back and make sort of a continuation chapter to this right? Yeah. Dangit. Eventually I'll get around to some actual shipping chapters BUT IT IS NOT THIS DAY. THIS DAY, I PROCRASTINATE. Also if you want to leave a suggestion for a drabble/one-shot don't be afraid to in the review box! I can't always come up with things. Stay classy guys!


End file.
